I had vowed to write here more often, so here I am. My new resolutions went really well for the first day and I then got sidetracked by the whole football playoff frenzy. But it really means a lot to me so I’m gonna get up a keep trying.
I’ve been rooting for the Saints all season long, so their playoff game was definitely one I couldn’t miss. It’s actually a funny story. I became good friends with a guy that worked out at my gym. He’s a hardcore football fan and everyone in his family had to choose a football team when they were young and had to stick with it their whole life. So at the beginning of the season he forced me to pick a team. My biggest deciding factor was a team whose jersey I wouldn’t mind wearing since some of the NFL teams have weird colors. My choice boiled down to the San Diego Chargers and the New Orleans Saints and because I’m a huge jazz fan I went with the Saints. So here you have it. I’m now a Saints fan for life.
However, during the Saints game yesterday I got a phone call from a girl I had seen a couple times which I really, really, REALLY liked. She ended up telling me that she wasn’t into me. It basically ruined the whole game for me. I’ve never been a very confident guy around girls. I’ve been diagnosed with social phobia plus I’ve never really had a girlfriend. The thing is, in the past few months, I’ve changed A LOT. I’ve been using social medias to promote my website and I’ve been interacting with a lot of people I’ve been admiring for years. Turns out they also really look up to me, so I’ve had a huge confidence boost. This would actually make a really interesting research: conquering social phobia through social medias. In any case, for the first time in my life, I really love myself and who I am. I believe this has really transcended to all aspects of my life including girls. So when Cora told me that she wasn’t interested in me, it came as a real blow. All my insecurities and my past came back to me all at once. The Saints won, but I didn’t really care anymore. I felt miserable. I felt like no one would ever love me. I felt worthless.
Today, I woke up feeling great. I realized that I’m still the person I was before Cora told me she wasn’t into me. It sucks but it’s something that happens. Just like there are girls who I’m not attracted to. But this is really a HUGE breakthrough for me. Normally, I would have felt like shit for several weeks. Plus the Saints won! So I’m happy and I think I’ve made a lot of progress. I’m sure I’ll find the right girl for me. And probably sooner than I think…
I didn’t do much today, which is REALLY something I need to work on. I’m not hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. I KNOW tomorrow will be a better day. In any case, one of the things I did was begin to read Nelson Mandela’s autobiography. Up to now it’s been about his very early childhood. The book has been a HUGE culture shock. Mandela basically grew up in a hut in a tiny village in South Africa. He said that he started guarding cattle and sheep at the age of 5 and talks of the many chores he had to do for his family. The stuff I read felt like it was coming out the script of a movie. You never stop to think that people on earth are living these kinds of lives. I felt so grateful for who I was and the opportunities I was given throughout my life. It really put things back into perspective. I realize that I need to seize the opportunities that were given to me and truly make the most of them. I can’t keep wasting my life like I have done in the past. I don’t know exactly were this will take me, but all I want is to be proud of myself at the end of each and every day. This is not something that occurs regularly, but it’s up to me, and only me, to make sure it does more often.
On a lighter note, for the first time in my life I didn’t buy Tide, but instead I bought eco-friendly laundry detergent (whatever that means…). The packaging says EcoLogo certified and CO2 neutral. Apparently EcoLogo is an Environment Canada Program, so this doesn’t look like greenwashing. The weird thing is that it’s also a Vegan product. I really hadn’t planned on eating any of it…
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